[For as long as it took Alice to initially respond to the change in Jaskier's appearance, she's relaxing into it fairly easily now that her brain has processed the bulk of it. She gives his hand a small squeeze when he twines his fingers with hers.]
I'm pretty sure I would have fallen over with shock, if it had been me.
[It's a pretty major difference--one can hardly blame him (or her, hypothetically) for any drastic responses to seeing oneself so differently for the first time. Jaskier doesn't have experience with this sort of transformation, and especially so suddenly like this. Even if he had, that's no guarantee of anything. Yuri tranformed near-constantly when they were out in the field together, and it still bothered him every time it happened.]
It is a lot to take in, and it will definitely take some adjustment. But for what it's worth, I still think you're every bit as handsome as you were when I last saw you. Just different.
[Another squeeze, and her smile grows.]
I know it's easier for me to accept, since I'm not the one dealing with the changes, but I hope that helps put you at some ease.
Er... [He pauses. No, he really shouldn't admit the horn thing.] Let's say I did similar.
[And possibly have a small fit over it. It was all rather terrifying, actually, until he'd talked to Geralt about it. Until there was someone to remind him that it was impossible for the Cwyld infecting him to cause this. And look at people like Killua, Roxas: they had not turned into monsters. (Yet.)
Adjustment. Right. That's reasonable. It very much is, but a bit of him is -- well, worried, to be honest. This thing between them is very new and, he imagines, fragile. As all new things are.
The squeeze helps. He smiles back, keeping his sharp teeth hidden behind his lips. One step at a time.] It does help me immensely. How could I feel anything but handsome after that? [He can't help how his tail whips the ground at the tip with such a sorely-needed compliment.] Well, you've come so far. Shall I make you some tea? Give you some time to... get used to it.
[Alice also has no shortage of worries and insecurities about this new and fragile thing they share. This change in Jaskier is not among them. In a way, it neatly slots him in among all of the other strange supernatural experiences that have been a part of her life since before she even can remember. He's not the first lover she's had that's tranformed, and what Yuri's fusions lacked in permanance they more than made up for in strangeness compared to this. He's not even even the only Monster she's become romantically entangled with in her time in Aefenglom.
(She still needs to tell him about how the Bond between her and Karin has changed. That inevitable conversation concerns her far more. The last thing she wants to do is wound Jaskier just as their relationship is beginning, and there's a lingering Catholic guilt over the lack of faithful monogamy.)
All said and done, his appearance strikes her as more strange than monstrous--he lacks the Malice for it to truly become warped into something horrific. And would still lack it, she's sure, if Malice were even an aspect of this world.
Hopefully it won't take too long to truly convince him of it.]
Tea and your company sound lovely, thank you. It's been too long since we've gotten to spend some time together.
[Neither of their lives have been conducive to this sort of thing lately, so it's good to take the opportunity now as it's presented itself. Plus, it will give her the chance to update him on... well, everything. When she gets up the nerve for it.]
Edited (added a bit at the end) 2021-06-11 19:21 (UTC)
[Despite his anxieties about this whole monstrosity business, he has it in him to laugh.] Come, I'll take you for a flatterer too soon if you keep this up. [It was, after all, his job. (He can't say he hates hearing it.) He keeps her hand in his, but holds the door open for her, leading to the kitchen.]
You're terribly right.
[Among the Cwyldheart fiasco, and Jaskier spending far too long fretting about this... change, and having dealt with the twin full moons on top of that, which arose all sorts of incredibly powerful instincts that he's going to have to figure out. And soon. Before the next inevitable full moon.
Considering the newness of their current relationship, it does not feel opportune to bring it up with Alice quite yet. But it's not as if he means to, ah, fool around behind her back, either.
Thanks to Yennefer, the kitchen is furnished with a lovely dark wood table and comfortable chairs, as it's more often than not the three of them (now four, when Ciri visits) sit together, or far apart, depending on the mood. But the place is fond to him; the nights after his nightmares where one would sit with him, or where they sat together. He pulls a chair out for Alice, waiting for her to sit before he gathers a kettle. Now, without magic, he's had to go back to doing things in boring, human ways, like lighting a fire in the stove.
He'd only just managed summoning small flames, too.] Well, how have you been? I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reach out. Things were -- [He pauses, swallowing.] Around the full moons, you can imagine.
[It's nice to actually spend time in this space rather than pass through it, and Alice takes her seat with a small "thank you" to Jaskier for pulling out the chair.
She watches him move around the kitchen, fondly noticing how his tail seems to drag behind him like it's been tied to the back of his belt rather than an actual part of him. It's probably part of the growing pains. Having a tail to control has to be rather strange, she thinks. Any new appendage would have to be. How did Yuri handled it, Alice couldn't begin to guess. Part of being a Harmonixer, probably.
His question, however, brings her attention away from how he's changed and back to the man himself.]
I've been well, for the most part. And there's no need to apologize. You needed time, especially then.
[He's probably a sight to behold during the full moons, and one she hopes to see eventually, but she understands his need to not include her that first time.]
Besides, I was unreachable for most of Aereuer. I'm equally at fault for how long it's been.
[It wasn't that long after their chance meeting in the club that she had descended into the Underground. The experience ultimately brought her a great deal of peace, but not without significant pain beforehand. She now fully understands what Jaskier meant when he told her of the Cwyld infection upon their first meeting. Which is a fact she's likely never going to share with him, lest she re-open still healing wounds.
Besides, the infection is not the part of it she needs to tell him about. He's been honest and open with her, despite his clear (and understandable) hesitance. It's only fair that she reciprocate with honesty of her own, and let him decide what to do from there.]
...Before you get too involved in making us tea, I have something I need to talk to you about. A confession, I suppose.
[He needs more time, truthfully, but there's nothing interesting nor fun about throwing his complaints at Alice. (Now, Geralt, there's the fun. And he knows there is little he could ever do to upset Geralt.) He catches himself glancing to see if she's staring at him, as if he needs further confirmation.
Truthfully, this shouldn't bother him so much. It wouldn't, he thinks, if not for... well, the Circle.]
Unreachable? [He raises an eyebrow. That's more than a bit intriguing. He's certainly caught that Alice is far from the sort of person to sit through anything, but the implication surprises him. (Most of Aereuer feels a complete blur. The past few months, really.) Surely she musn't mean -- even Geralt mentioned it, but hadn't been involved --
His tail goes stiff as he turns around, holding the flint box. His nails scratch over it, fingers unable to keep still.] Oh! Oh, a confession, is it? [He smiles, but honestly, there's an uncomfortable weight that presses to his chest. He has been in this situation for more times than he would like to remember: a beautiful woman coming to him, that holds his heart in their hand, who insists they need to have a talk, a confession.] I've steeled myself, I promise. What is it? No need to be nervous, Alice. You can tell me anything.
Yes, unreachable. I was down in the Underground and communications weren't really going through, given the state of things down there.
[She leaves it at that. Surely he knows at least the broad strokes of how it all went down, and there's no need to upset him with the details. Or to upset herself in remembering them. It's easier to focus on good of the end result: the cleansing of the Cwyldheart, the stronger connection she feels to this world and its people, Karin...
The stiffness doesn't go unnoticed, nor does the way he fusses with the flint, but it's the way he smiles and reassures her anyway that makes her feel bad about bringing it up at all. Why is he always so kind and patient with her, even now?
Her gaze falls to her hands, which are folded in her lap.]
I recently realized how much more... romantic... my relationhip with Karin has become. I love her. I probably have for some time now. It just sort of grew from the Bond.
But I still love Yuri, even in his absence. I don't think I could stop loving him even if I wanted to. And... I'm falling into it, I think. With you.
[She chances a glance up at him, but quickly averts her gaze again.
Alice is not one to give her whole heart right away, but she's not so naive that she doesn't realize that's where this could be headed. All of the early telltale signs are there in how he makes her feel when they're together. Even this uncomfortable conversation is proof positive of that. It wouldn't be uncomfortable if she didn't care so much.]
I've been thinking a lot about love lately. About what it means, and how maybe... it doesn't have to be zero sum. Loving another person doesn't mean I have to love anyone else less. There's so precious little of it in the world. Why would I run away from it?
[A pause, and then she deflates. Her hands ball into fists.]
But... then I wonder if I'm just telling myself that to make myself feel better. That this isn't fair to you or to Karin. That I'm being selfish, and unfaithful.
And if that's how you think of me, I understand.
[And with that, she falls quiet, waiting for his judgment.]
You -- [He blusters for a moment. Jaskier's not the type to really stop anyone from what they set their heart onto, but from what he's heard about the Cwyldheart --
And yet here she sits, seemingly unharmed, as far as he can tell. He's already starting to wish he'd finished the tea beforehand. He doesn't have knowledge of exorcists, and Alice has already emphasized that she's powerful enough to have villains want to control her...
He only wishes he may have helped somehow. That whole time, he'd been locked away in his home, too frightened by the very idea of the Cwyld to face it again.] I see.
[He very much busies himself with lighting the fire, because his fingers won't stay still and who knows how bloody long it will take for the kettle. It lights up, and he notices with half a mind that though his fingers certainly touch the flame, it doesn't burn.
And yet he jerks back out of instinct, bumping his head against the stove as he backs up at the word romantic. Jaskier stares at her, the pain a faraway ache already, blinking a few times as his mouth opens in surprise.
Oh. Karin had not... mentioned this. He had not, in fact, considered this was the case, even knowing they were Bonded. The Bond didn't have to mean that sort of thing.
Not being in one didn't, either. With you. Oh, fuck. His heart.
Jaskier takes a seat beside her, immediately taking her hands in his, smoothing his fingers over her knuckles so the fists may loosen. He knows why this must feel a confession to her: a confession implies there's guilt. And he knows well, in love, that there should never be guilt. Not for love itself.]
I'll be very blunt with you, Alice, because there's no need for me to mince words with pretty ones. [Talk of this, at least, comes easy.] You should love whoever you like. As many people, or Witches, or Monsters as you like. [And he smiles. That? That's the confession? If only she knew how many his own heart had known. How many more it will know, he hopes, because love has always been so easy for him -- to fall into, at least.] It's perfectly as you said. I've many poets who would have killed to be so succinct. [His smile grows a little bigger.] There is precious little of love. Wouldn't you say it's nearly a duty for us to spread it? To me, this only truly speaks of how large and how true your heart is.
[He leans down and kisses her hands.] I think it's wonderful. And I think Karin and Yuri are both as lucky as I am to be the subject of such love. Believe me, my dear, I'm the utter last to ever chide one for unfaithfulness.
[Look, he's cuckolded a lot of husbands, but he can mention that, er, later.]
[Alice sincerely doesn't know if she should laugh or cry at his reaction. Either way, it's now clear that she needn't have worried. Thinking back to their conversation in the club, it should have been obvious that he'd value love itself over old-fashioned notions like hers. Karin had been equally gracious, so really all of her stress over the situation had been self-generated and self-directed.
Unlearning the strict standards she sets for herself is difficult, as it turns out. But seeing him smile at her in such a way, it's worth the discomfort. The expression is so different, given the drastic changes he's undergone, and yet it's still very much the same. Her tension melts away, and she soon finds herself smiling back.
Falling into it, indeed, and already in deeper than she realizes.]
Thank you. I needed to hear that. Navigating all of this is still so new to me, so I appreciate the reassurance.
[She pauses for a moment, then quickly adds:]
Karin knows about this, by the way. So there aren't any secrets.
[Having to sneak around on either side would make this unbearable. Polyamory as a concept is a lot easier to swallow when they're all consenting adults.
Now that she can fully express affection without feeling pangs of guilt about it, she leans in and kisses his cheek.]
I guess this should go without saying, but... if our relationship is going to involve more than just you and I, that permission goes both ways. My only request is you spare me any sordid details of what happens between the sheets.
[It's not that she's worried about being jealous--if he wants to wax poetic about the love of another, she will by all means entertain him. She's merely heading off any would-be insecurities about her own sexual inexperience by comparing herself to whomever else he might fall in with.]
Well, of course! It's an important decision, I think, but it should be none the less enjoyable. Finding your footing in love should be so.
[He kisses her cheek, then sits back again. The kettle bubbles, ignored for the moment. This is monumental, he thinks, considering how shy Alice had still been when they were together. He can easily imagine this is the first time she's ever found herself in this position.
There are plenty who would say a heart is only destined for one. Plenty of people who are fools.]
Good. I don't believe there should be secrets.
[Though he is far overdue with a meeting with Karin again. He remembers her being kind, too, in the cages. It's a good memory when everything else is so awful.
His lips twitch, eyebrows raising.] A surprising request, actually, but I'll be happy to grant it. [He pauses, taking her hand in his and rubbing it gently. This sort of thing is not something Jaskier frowns upon himself, nor is he embarrassed about it, but he does not want to... overwhelm her.]
I'm glad you brought it up. With my... my transformation, certain things have -- [How to put it delicately?] During the full moon, the Aeternae instincts are nearly overwhelming. I've never felt anything like it.
[Perhaps she heard of the... er, orgy?] In any case, I welcome this new arrangement. [He squeezes her hand.] I want you to know you are, of course, my priority. I don't think it needs to be fair, necessarily. We have no need to be equal in our -- in whatever you wish. As long as we remain true to ourselves, then surely it will work out.
[The more they talk, the more relief Alice feels. They're more or less on the same page on how they want for this relationship to continue. It feels good to lay everything out like this, making expectations clear. What's blossoming between them is certainly unusual, at least compared to everything Alice has ever known or been taught, but she finds that she doesn't mind it one bit.]
Is it really so surprising? Jaskier, there's only so much of this I can handle at once. I promise it's entirely about me and not because I hold any resentment toward the idea of you sleeping with whomever you want.
[Her voice is light, just shy of a self-deprecating laugh. Just a few months ago, even her current situation would have been totally unthinkable. There are aspects of it she still needs to be eased into, especially since there's quite a gulf between them when it comes to experience. Jaskier, at least, is gracious and seems to understand that on some level with his agreement.
The slight flush to Alice's cheeks is indication enough that she follows his meaning just fine. It'd be harder to not have heard about the full moons orgy, given how quickly gossip about it spread throughout the city. Alice pointedly tries not to think about how much or how little he participated in it--which of course forces that thought to the forefront. While an orgy is about the absolute last place Alice would want to find herself, she imagines he was even more of a sight to behold there...
Ahem. God, when did her mind become like this? Once upon a time, it was pure and innocent and not prone to idle sexual daydreams about monsters.
She forces herself back to the present moment.]
All the better we talked about it, then. The last thing either of us need is for you to fight that back. [It's a generous sentiment, perhaps, but more than that it's a practical one. A feral monster is a force to be reckoned with, and there's no reason to force him into becoming one for the sake of rules of propriety that are already out the window.] I'm not worried about comparing anything between what you and I do. And I'm not worried about this thing between us meaning any less. It will work out. I trust that.
We can both put our doubts to bed, I think. We're going to be just fine.
[He pauses, then smiles with a little shake of his head.] No, on second thought, not for you. Most people I know love the juicy details. Yet you remain rather far from a gossip.
[It's simply a fact and, to be fair, he's relieved of it. It is... it's difficult to explain even to himself the instincts he'd felt, how he couldn't even remember much of the full moon because he'd fallen victim to them. Yet saying as much feels an excuse. He's certainly in charge of himself. In control. Not like a feral Turnskin or such.
He leans in, tracing his fingertips up her thigh.] But if you ever change your mind...
[He can't help it when her cheeks take on such a pretty pink tone. It's a tease, and yet -- well, he can't help tempting her with more, can he? It takes some reminder for him to pull himself back. That she's still so new to this. And he does not ever mean to tease her with the idea of other lovers.
And she, apparently, means to be as generous as she can with him. It's... appreciated.
To have found someone so practical is honestly a fucking relief.] Yes, I believe so. Now that all the serious talk has been made, shall we have the tea? [He stands and fetches the cups, finally, pouring the water into both through a filter of leaves. He sets it in front of her, along with a few cubes of sugar.] Thank you. For being so honest about everything. Though I think it may be rather nice to meet Karin again on her own terms, so to speak. I haven't seen her since... well, we've only met once. She must be doing well now.
[Alice chooses to take his statement as a compliment, although it's just as much a result of circumstance than of character. Her life has never been such that gossip had a part to play. The stakes of everything were always too high to spend time on such petty frivolities. Even here, more often than not, even though it's the most domestic she's been allowed to be in years.
His teasing gets a bit of squirming and a giggle out of her, even as she shoos his hand away because what if one of his housemates walks in.)] I think you're just looking for an excuse to say things you know will fluster me.
[Not that doing so is especially difficult--she's plenty flustered from merely the suggestion of it. It's little wonder he enjoys teasing her so much, given the way she inevitably reacts. He's lucky he's so charming. (And so is she, when he turns that charm toward her.
Thankfully, Jaskier pulls back and gets to serving the tea. It gives her a few moments to pull herself back together. She accepts her cup with a small "thank you" and adds a couple of the sugar cubes.]
You're welcome. I can't imagine being anything but honest with you. Particularly with something as delicate as our hearts.
I think Karin would be thrilled to catch up with you. She's lost several close friends lately, so I think your increased presence in her life would be welcomed.
[She leaves the suggestion of the Circle unacknowledged. No need to ruin the mood.]
Otherwise, she's been doing well. She's keeping busy, same as I have. I don't think either of us know how to do differently. Although we make it a point to spend our mornings, at least, relaxing over tea and pastries.
It's become something of a daily ritual. One I look forward to.
[He's very talented at reading boundaries, however, and he is happy to respect them. Perhaps there is a chance his housemates walk in; Alice has made it clear she does not wish to flaunt this in front of any of them.
Though he's curious, the dynamic in the home she shares with Karin. If the same rules apply there. He can't say he has near the same reservations.]
Ah, well. I certainly will have to force a bit of myself into Karin's life, then. I'm more than happy to be a friend. I... [He pauses.] I could use more of my own.
[Lost them, as they returned to their homes. As he can only assume. It's the only assumption he wants to make.]
I'm told I make a rather mean fruit tart. I'd be honored to bring some for the two of you. [He snorts to himself.] All right, neither Geralt nor Yennefer have ever complimented me, but they certainly eat them, so it's compliment enough.
[If anything, Alice is more cautious at home because of the teenager who lives there and comes and goes as she pleases. She's sure that Rikku has at least some idea of sex and all that, but Alice does not want to find herself in a position that forces the conversation. At least with Geralt and Yennefer, it would only result in embarrassment.
(She and Karin are also still figuring out the whole 'how does physical intimacy work between two women' aspect of their relationship. That exploration is best kept behind closed doors.)
His comment about needing friends strikes Alice as sad, but it's not terribly surprising. The number of Mirrorbound has shrunk significantly as of late, and everyone still here has lost many a dear person because of it. Alice herself lost two of her best friends in one go, to say nothing of losing Yuri earlier still, and that felt devastating. She imagines it's even more keenly felt by someone as intrinsically social as Jaskier. With a sad smile, she reaches over and gives his hand a gentle squeeze.]
All the more reason to reach out. And maybe, if neither of you find it too strange, the three of us could do something together soon.
[Alice will happily play friendship-matchmaker between the two of them, should it come to it.]
So you're a bard and a baker? Geralt and Yennefer really ought to appreciate what they have in you. [Her smile slips into something more impressed and a touch flirtatious.] I admit that my culinary skills are only good enough to feed myself. Tarts are well beyond what I could manage.
[He raises both eyebrows with a smile, her hand a comfort on his. It does feel comforting, letting all of this out. Of course he does with his Bonded, in a way, but to have sympathy returned to him is. Fuck. It's refreshing.
Besides, he is beginning to wonder if Alice has similar... thoughts (or fantasies) to himself. Ooh. How he longs to ask.] The three of us? No. I'd hardly find it strange at all.
[He'll mention Geralt and Yennefer. That night. Later. When things are less vulnerable.]
I'm only exquisitely talented in one. [He leans in and, unable to help himself, kisses her cheek. It's only -- her smile leaves his heart fluttering, no matter what topic brings it.] And I would love to teach you, should you require teaching. Perhaps with some degree of lost clothes. I promise, nothing too distracting.
[Alice's suggestion is, for now, purely innocent. But it probably won't take much urging for that to change. It was, after all, her well-meaning-but-ultimately-impossible solution for if the relationship between Yuri and Karin had been more romantic. That conversation between her and Karin feels like a lifetime ago, somehow. The first half of this year has definitely been chaotic.
But at least it hasn't been all bad chaos. How she ended up sitting at this table counts as chaotic, and she's very happy to be here. Especially as he keeps teasing and kissing her cheek this way.]
Jaskier.
[She's scolding, but the blush in her cheeks and the giggle that rises out of her chest give her away. He certainly has a way of worming past her defenses, even when she's trying her best to be proper and behave herself lest they be caught. Never too much, never too far. Just enough to get her to relax into it.
(She doesn't really mind that much, in the moment. The flutter in her chest feels too nice to.)]
We'll just end up burning everything if we start with that, and you know it. You're plenty distracting with all of your clothes on.
[Moreso now, although she keeps that thought to herself. It's a compliment, but he may not take it as such.]
[It's completely worth being scolded to hear that lovely sound, especially so when he finds himself waking so often just to hear it. Or offering to make a complete fool of himself. It's always worth it in the end, for the sound of his lover's laugh.]
Happily, I have recently learned that, as an Aeternae, I'm impervious to fire. Or immune to it? Is that more accurate? So should any fires arise, I can easily carry you to safety. In a very gentlemanly way, of course.
[Of course. It would involve no creeping of his hands up her thighs that, though he is so very tempted to slide one under her dress, he is. Being good. (The closer to the full moon, though -- lucky he is a master of self-control.)
He laughs, delighted.] Oh, I can feel the swelling of my ego even now! Alice, you are far too wonderful. [And she is. He feels already so comfortable, looking like this, trying to remember to keep his tail tucked politely. She has proven that his fears were well misplaced, a relief in itself.] If you ever do desire to see me lose my clothes, I am yours completely. And it may be new all over again, considering... [Well, how he looks now.] Though we will certainly have to plan a sly sort of rendezvous. I'm more than happy to purchase us the loveliest inn room coin can buy.
[Even behind closed doors, she'd argue, where their activities are far less proper. Although there's something about the way he says it that isn't quite sincere. Perhaps the playful twinkle in his eye.
Which only gets her smiling wider as she places a hand on his chest.]
As appealing as being carried off in your arms may be, I'd prefer to avoid property damage. There's something to be said for having patience and waiting until we're done cooking to engage in anything.
[At her own insinuation and his outright suggestion, Alice feels most of her blood rush to her face and the rest of it go to... other places as her mind wanders the rest of the way. She clears her throat and drops her gaze, not quite losing her nerve but definitely pressing up against what she's able to discuss casually.]
I am curious what else has changed, where I can't see. Under your clothes.
[She dares a peek upward with a shy, hopeful smile.]
There's no need for us to run to an inn, though. We can save the rendezvous for... for another time.
[Like maybe the full moons. But she doesn't quite have the nerve to say that out loud.]
[Ah, a shame. He's always wanted to be the hero for once. Surely there will be time for it still.
His hand covers hers against his chest, over his heart. The contrast of blue on pale white is striking, only emphasizing his inhumanness now. And yet... yes. His heart still feels calm.
A little calm. It kickstarts a bit, certainly, when she so expertly teases him. His blue eyes light up, perhaps even a glow coming to his horns, if such a thing were possible.]
I -- I can possibly confirm there were, ah, some changes -- [Right. Another time. Calm yourself, Jask.] Yes. [He licks his lips, squeezing her hand.] Whenever you wish.
[Alice, too, notes the contrast in their skintones as their hands rest one on the other. There's something striking and beautiful about it, she thinks, even if it's not a human difference. It seems her early introduction to the supernatural has had an effect on what she finds appealing.
Hard not to wonder if that, and this, are somehow fated.
Her brows furrow slightly at Jaskier's response, and Alice realizes she may have been misunderstood.]
I only mean to wait on the inn. I'd... very much like to sneak off somewhere with you right now. [Even if it seems impossible, she feels her face flush further.] If that's all right with you.
A smile spreads wide across his face, his eyes glowing. Oh. Normally Jaskier would say it's, of course, coming down to his excellent seduction skills, but Alice has thrown him for a loop more than once.
And he is very quickly learning this yearning is all her own, and none from his encouragement.
He replaces his hand onto her cheek to feel the warmth of it. Somehow, it's even more noticeable now, that warmth, as he's grown a bit colder than himself. One must imagine a more intimate moment would be that much more incredible.
Luckily, she does not seem to shy away from his new hue.] There is not a single thing I would love more. [He stands carefully, his tail moving excitedly, offering a hand to help her up, too.] I believe my room is still very private.
[The touch of his hand on her face feels cooler than it once did, but it's no less pleasant. (And given the heat of her blushing, the contrast in temperature is quite appreciated.) Alice smiles and tilts her head slightly into it affectionately before he pulls it away to stand up.
Her smile only grows as she lets him help her to her feet. She stands up on her toes for a moment, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. It's a promise, to be fulfilled behind closed doors.]
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I'm pretty sure I would have fallen over with shock, if it had been me.
[It's a pretty major difference--one can hardly blame him (or her, hypothetically) for any drastic responses to seeing oneself so differently for the first time. Jaskier doesn't have experience with this sort of transformation, and especially so suddenly like this. Even if he had, that's no guarantee of anything. Yuri tranformed near-constantly when they were out in the field together, and it still bothered him every time it happened.]
It is a lot to take in, and it will definitely take some adjustment. But for what it's worth, I still think you're every bit as handsome as you were when I last saw you. Just different.
[Another squeeze, and her smile grows.]
I know it's easier for me to accept, since I'm not the one dealing with the changes, but I hope that helps put you at some ease.
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[And possibly have a small fit over it. It was all rather terrifying, actually, until he'd talked to Geralt about it. Until there was someone to remind him that it was impossible for the Cwyld infecting him to cause this. And look at people like Killua, Roxas: they had not turned into monsters. (Yet.)
Adjustment. Right. That's reasonable. It very much is, but a bit of him is -- well, worried, to be honest. This thing between them is very new and, he imagines, fragile. As all new things are.
The squeeze helps. He smiles back, keeping his sharp teeth hidden behind his lips. One step at a time.] It does help me immensely. How could I feel anything but handsome after that? [He can't help how his tail whips the ground at the tip with such a sorely-needed compliment.] Well, you've come so far. Shall I make you some tea? Give you some time to... get used to it.
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(She still needs to tell him about how the Bond between her and Karin has changed. That inevitable conversation concerns her far more. The last thing she wants to do is wound Jaskier just as their relationship is beginning, and there's a lingering Catholic guilt over the lack of faithful monogamy.)
All said and done, his appearance strikes her as more strange than monstrous--he lacks the Malice for it to truly become warped into something horrific. And would still lack it, she's sure, if Malice were even an aspect of this world.
Hopefully it won't take too long to truly convince him of it.]
Tea and your company sound lovely, thank you. It's been too long since we've gotten to spend some time together.
[Neither of their lives have been conducive to this sort of thing lately, so it's good to take the opportunity now as it's presented itself. Plus, it will give her the chance to update him on... well, everything. When she gets up the nerve for it.]
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You're terribly right.
[Among the Cwyldheart fiasco, and Jaskier spending far too long fretting about this... change, and having dealt with the twin full moons on top of that, which arose all sorts of incredibly powerful instincts that he's going to have to figure out. And soon. Before the next inevitable full moon.
Considering the newness of their current relationship, it does not feel opportune to bring it up with Alice quite yet. But it's not as if he means to, ah, fool around behind her back, either.
Thanks to Yennefer, the kitchen is furnished with a lovely dark wood table and comfortable chairs, as it's more often than not the three of them (now four, when Ciri visits) sit together, or far apart, depending on the mood. But the place is fond to him; the nights after his nightmares where one would sit with him, or where they sat together. He pulls a chair out for Alice, waiting for her to sit before he gathers a kettle. Now, without magic, he's had to go back to doing things in boring, human ways, like lighting a fire in the stove.
He'd only just managed summoning small flames, too.] Well, how have you been? I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reach out. Things were -- [He pauses, swallowing.] Around the full moons, you can imagine.
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She watches him move around the kitchen, fondly noticing how his tail seems to drag behind him like it's been tied to the back of his belt rather than an actual part of him. It's probably part of the growing pains. Having a tail to control has to be rather strange, she thinks. Any new appendage would have to be. How did Yuri handled it, Alice couldn't begin to guess. Part of being a Harmonixer, probably.
His question, however, brings her attention away from how he's changed and back to the man himself.]
I've been well, for the most part. And there's no need to apologize. You needed time, especially then.
[He's probably a sight to behold during the full moons, and one she hopes to see eventually, but she understands his need to not include her that first time.]
Besides, I was unreachable for most of Aereuer. I'm equally at fault for how long it's been.
[It wasn't that long after their chance meeting in the club that she had descended into the Underground. The experience ultimately brought her a great deal of peace, but not without significant pain beforehand. She now fully understands what Jaskier meant when he told her of the Cwyld infection upon their first meeting. Which is a fact she's likely never going to share with him, lest she re-open still healing wounds.
Besides, the infection is not the part of it she needs to tell him about. He's been honest and open with her, despite his clear (and understandable) hesitance. It's only fair that she reciprocate with honesty of her own, and let him decide what to do from there.]
...Before you get too involved in making us tea, I have something I need to talk to you about. A confession, I suppose.
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Truthfully, this shouldn't bother him so much. It wouldn't, he thinks, if not for... well, the Circle.]
Unreachable? [He raises an eyebrow. That's more than a bit intriguing. He's certainly caught that Alice is far from the sort of person to sit through anything, but the implication surprises him. (Most of Aereuer feels a complete blur. The past few months, really.) Surely she musn't mean -- even Geralt mentioned it, but hadn't been involved --
His tail goes stiff as he turns around, holding the flint box. His nails scratch over it, fingers unable to keep still.] Oh! Oh, a confession, is it? [He smiles, but honestly, there's an uncomfortable weight that presses to his chest. He has been in this situation for more times than he would like to remember: a beautiful woman coming to him, that holds his heart in their hand, who insists they need to have a talk, a confession.] I've steeled myself, I promise. What is it? No need to be nervous, Alice. You can tell me anything.
[Or, at least, he's telling himself that.]
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[She leaves it at that. Surely he knows at least the broad strokes of how it all went down, and there's no need to upset him with the details. Or to upset herself in remembering them. It's easier to focus on good of the end result: the cleansing of the Cwyldheart, the stronger connection she feels to this world and its people, Karin...
The stiffness doesn't go unnoticed, nor does the way he fusses with the flint, but it's the way he smiles and reassures her anyway that makes her feel bad about bringing it up at all. Why is he always so kind and patient with her, even now?
Her gaze falls to her hands, which are folded in her lap.]
I recently realized how much more... romantic... my relationhip with Karin has become. I love her. I probably have for some time now. It just sort of grew from the Bond.
But I still love Yuri, even in his absence. I don't think I could stop loving him even if I wanted to. And... I'm falling into it, I think. With you.
[She chances a glance up at him, but quickly averts her gaze again.
Alice is not one to give her whole heart right away, but she's not so naive that she doesn't realize that's where this could be headed. All of the early telltale signs are there in how he makes her feel when they're together. Even this uncomfortable conversation is proof positive of that. It wouldn't be uncomfortable if she didn't care so much.]
I've been thinking a lot about love lately. About what it means, and how maybe... it doesn't have to be zero sum. Loving another person doesn't mean I have to love anyone else less. There's so precious little of it in the world. Why would I run away from it?
[A pause, and then she deflates. Her hands ball into fists.]
But... then I wonder if I'm just telling myself that to make myself feel better. That this isn't fair to you or to Karin. That I'm being selfish, and unfaithful.
And if that's how you think of me, I understand.
[And with that, she falls quiet, waiting for his judgment.]
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And yet here she sits, seemingly unharmed, as far as he can tell. He's already starting to wish he'd finished the tea beforehand. He doesn't have knowledge of exorcists, and Alice has already emphasized that she's powerful enough to have villains want to control her...
He only wishes he may have helped somehow. That whole time, he'd been locked away in his home, too frightened by the very idea of the Cwyld to face it again.] I see.
[He very much busies himself with lighting the fire, because his fingers won't stay still and who knows how bloody long it will take for the kettle. It lights up, and he notices with half a mind that though his fingers certainly touch the flame, it doesn't burn.
And yet he jerks back out of instinct, bumping his head against the stove as he backs up at the word romantic. Jaskier stares at her, the pain a faraway ache already, blinking a few times as his mouth opens in surprise.
Oh. Karin had not... mentioned this. He had not, in fact, considered this was the case, even knowing they were Bonded. The Bond didn't have to mean that sort of thing.
Not being in one didn't, either. With you. Oh, fuck. His heart.
Jaskier takes a seat beside her, immediately taking her hands in his, smoothing his fingers over her knuckles so the fists may loosen. He knows why this must feel a confession to her: a confession implies there's guilt. And he knows well, in love, that there should never be guilt. Not for love itself.]
I'll be very blunt with you, Alice, because there's no need for me to mince words with pretty ones. [Talk of this, at least, comes easy.] You should love whoever you like. As many people, or Witches, or Monsters as you like. [And he smiles. That? That's the confession? If only she knew how many his own heart had known. How many more it will know, he hopes, because love has always been so easy for him -- to fall into, at least.] It's perfectly as you said. I've many poets who would have killed to be so succinct. [His smile grows a little bigger.] There is precious little of love. Wouldn't you say it's nearly a duty for us to spread it? To me, this only truly speaks of how large and how true your heart is.
[He leans down and kisses her hands.] I think it's wonderful. And I think Karin and Yuri are both as lucky as I am to be the subject of such love. Believe me, my dear, I'm the utter last to ever chide one for unfaithfulness.
[Look, he's cuckolded a lot of husbands, but he can mention that, er, later.]
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Unlearning the strict standards she sets for herself is difficult, as it turns out. But seeing him smile at her in such a way, it's worth the discomfort. The expression is so different, given the drastic changes he's undergone, and yet it's still very much the same. Her tension melts away, and she soon finds herself smiling back.
Falling into it, indeed, and already in deeper than she realizes.]
Thank you. I needed to hear that. Navigating all of this is still so new to me, so I appreciate the reassurance.
[She pauses for a moment, then quickly adds:]
Karin knows about this, by the way. So there aren't any secrets.
[Having to sneak around on either side would make this unbearable. Polyamory as a concept is a lot easier to swallow when they're all consenting adults.
Now that she can fully express affection without feeling pangs of guilt about it, she leans in and kisses his cheek.]
I guess this should go without saying, but... if our relationship is going to involve more than just you and I, that permission goes both ways. My only request is you spare me any sordid details of what happens between the sheets.
[It's not that she's worried about being jealous--if he wants to wax poetic about the love of another, she will by all means entertain him. She's merely heading off any would-be insecurities about her own sexual inexperience by comparing herself to whomever else he might fall in with.]
Fair?
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[He kisses her cheek, then sits back again. The kettle bubbles, ignored for the moment. This is monumental, he thinks, considering how shy Alice had still been when they were together. He can easily imagine this is the first time she's ever found herself in this position.
There are plenty who would say a heart is only destined for one. Plenty of people who are fools.]
Good. I don't believe there should be secrets.
[Though he is far overdue with a meeting with Karin again. He remembers her being kind, too, in the cages. It's a good memory when everything else is so awful.
His lips twitch, eyebrows raising.] A surprising request, actually, but I'll be happy to grant it. [He pauses, taking her hand in his and rubbing it gently. This sort of thing is not something Jaskier frowns upon himself, nor is he embarrassed about it, but he does not want to... overwhelm her.]
I'm glad you brought it up. With my... my transformation, certain things have -- [How to put it delicately?] During the full moon, the Aeternae instincts are nearly overwhelming. I've never felt anything like it.
[Perhaps she heard of the... er, orgy?] In any case, I welcome this new arrangement. [He squeezes her hand.] I want you to know you are, of course, my priority. I don't think it needs to be fair, necessarily. We have no need to be equal in our -- in whatever you wish. As long as we remain true to ourselves, then surely it will work out.
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Is it really so surprising? Jaskier, there's only so much of this I can handle at once. I promise it's entirely about me and not because I hold any resentment toward the idea of you sleeping with whomever you want.
[Her voice is light, just shy of a self-deprecating laugh. Just a few months ago, even her current situation would have been totally unthinkable. There are aspects of it she still needs to be eased into, especially since there's quite a gulf between them when it comes to experience. Jaskier, at least, is gracious and seems to understand that on some level with his agreement.
The slight flush to Alice's cheeks is indication enough that she follows his meaning just fine. It'd be harder to not have heard about the full moons orgy, given how quickly gossip about it spread throughout the city. Alice pointedly tries not to think about how much or how little he participated in it--which of course forces that thought to the forefront. While an orgy is about the absolute last place Alice would want to find herself, she imagines he was even more of a sight to behold there...
Ahem. God, when did her mind become like this? Once upon a time, it was pure and innocent and not prone to idle sexual daydreams about monsters.
She forces herself back to the present moment.]
All the better we talked about it, then. The last thing either of us need is for you to fight that back. [It's a generous sentiment, perhaps, but more than that it's a practical one. A feral monster is a force to be reckoned with, and there's no reason to force him into becoming one for the sake of rules of propriety that are already out the window.] I'm not worried about comparing anything between what you and I do. And I'm not worried about this thing between us meaning any less. It will work out. I trust that.
We can both put our doubts to bed, I think. We're going to be just fine.
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[It's simply a fact and, to be fair, he's relieved of it. It is... it's difficult to explain even to himself the instincts he'd felt, how he couldn't even remember much of the full moon because he'd fallen victim to them. Yet saying as much feels an excuse. He's certainly in charge of himself. In control. Not like a feral Turnskin or such.
He leans in, tracing his fingertips up her thigh.] But if you ever change your mind...
[He can't help it when her cheeks take on such a pretty pink tone. It's a tease, and yet -- well, he can't help tempting her with more, can he? It takes some reminder for him to pull himself back. That she's still so new to this. And he does not ever mean to tease her with the idea of other lovers.
And she, apparently, means to be as generous as she can with him. It's... appreciated.
To have found someone so practical is honestly a fucking relief.] Yes, I believe so. Now that all the serious talk has been made, shall we have the tea? [He stands and fetches the cups, finally, pouring the water into both through a filter of leaves. He sets it in front of her, along with a few cubes of sugar.] Thank you. For being so honest about everything. Though I think it may be rather nice to meet Karin again on her own terms, so to speak. I haven't seen her since... well, we've only met once. She must be doing well now.
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His teasing gets a bit of squirming and a giggle out of her, even as she shoos his hand away because what if one of his housemates walks in.)] I think you're just looking for an excuse to say things you know will fluster me.
[Not that doing so is especially difficult--she's plenty flustered from merely the suggestion of it. It's little wonder he enjoys teasing her so much, given the way she inevitably reacts. He's lucky he's so charming. (And so is she, when he turns that charm toward her.
Thankfully, Jaskier pulls back and gets to serving the tea. It gives her a few moments to pull herself back together. She accepts her cup with a small "thank you" and adds a couple of the sugar cubes.]
You're welcome. I can't imagine being anything but honest with you. Particularly with something as delicate as our hearts.
I think Karin would be thrilled to catch up with you. She's lost several close friends lately, so I think your increased presence in her life would be welcomed.
[She leaves the suggestion of the Circle unacknowledged. No need to ruin the mood.]
Otherwise, she's been doing well. She's keeping busy, same as I have. I don't think either of us know how to do differently. Although we make it a point to spend our mornings, at least, relaxing over tea and pastries.
It's become something of a daily ritual. One I look forward to.
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[He's very talented at reading boundaries, however, and he is happy to respect them. Perhaps there is a chance his housemates walk in; Alice has made it clear she does not wish to flaunt this in front of any of them.
Though he's curious, the dynamic in the home she shares with Karin. If the same rules apply there. He can't say he has near the same reservations.]
Ah, well. I certainly will have to force a bit of myself into Karin's life, then. I'm more than happy to be a friend. I... [He pauses.] I could use more of my own.
[Lost them, as they returned to their homes. As he can only assume. It's the only assumption he wants to make.]
I'm told I make a rather mean fruit tart. I'd be honored to bring some for the two of you. [He snorts to himself.] All right, neither Geralt nor Yennefer have ever complimented me, but they certainly eat them, so it's compliment enough.
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(She and Karin are also still figuring out the whole 'how does physical intimacy work between two women' aspect of their relationship. That exploration is best kept behind closed doors.)
His comment about needing friends strikes Alice as sad, but it's not terribly surprising. The number of Mirrorbound has shrunk significantly as of late, and everyone still here has lost many a dear person because of it. Alice herself lost two of her best friends in one go, to say nothing of losing Yuri earlier still, and that felt devastating. She imagines it's even more keenly felt by someone as intrinsically social as Jaskier. With a sad smile, she reaches over and gives his hand a gentle squeeze.]
All the more reason to reach out. And maybe, if neither of you find it too strange, the three of us could do something together soon.
[Alice will happily play friendship-matchmaker between the two of them, should it come to it.]
So you're a bard and a baker? Geralt and Yennefer really ought to appreciate what they have in you. [Her smile slips into something more impressed and a touch flirtatious.] I admit that my culinary skills are only good enough to feed myself. Tarts are well beyond what I could manage.
I would happily accept one, should you make it.
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Besides, he is beginning to wonder if Alice has similar... thoughts (or fantasies) to himself. Ooh. How he longs to ask.] The three of us? No. I'd hardly find it strange at all.
[He'll mention Geralt and Yennefer. That night. Later. When things are less vulnerable.]
I'm only exquisitely talented in one. [He leans in and, unable to help himself, kisses her cheek. It's only -- her smile leaves his heart fluttering, no matter what topic brings it.] And I would love to teach you, should you require teaching. Perhaps with some degree of lost clothes. I promise, nothing too distracting.
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But at least it hasn't been all bad chaos. How she ended up sitting at this table counts as chaotic, and she's very happy to be here. Especially as he keeps teasing and kissing her cheek this way.]
Jaskier.
[She's scolding, but the blush in her cheeks and the giggle that rises out of her chest give her away. He certainly has a way of worming past her defenses, even when she's trying her best to be proper and behave herself lest they be caught. Never too much, never too far. Just enough to get her to relax into it.
(She doesn't really mind that much, in the moment. The flutter in her chest feels too nice to.)]
We'll just end up burning everything if we start with that, and you know it. You're plenty distracting with all of your clothes on.
[Moreso now, although she keeps that thought to herself. It's a compliment, but he may not take it as such.]
The moment a shirt comes off, it would be over.
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Happily, I have recently learned that, as an Aeternae, I'm impervious to fire. Or immune to it? Is that more accurate? So should any fires arise, I can easily carry you to safety. In a very gentlemanly way, of course.
[Of course. It would involve no creeping of his hands up her thighs that, though he is so very tempted to slide one under her dress, he is. Being good. (The closer to the full moon, though -- lucky he is a master of self-control.)
He laughs, delighted.] Oh, I can feel the swelling of my ego even now! Alice, you are far too wonderful. [And she is. He feels already so comfortable, looking like this, trying to remember to keep his tail tucked politely. She has proven that his fears were well misplaced, a relief in itself.] If you ever do desire to see me lose my clothes, I am yours completely. And it may be new all over again, considering... [Well, how he looks now.] Though we will certainly have to plan a sly sort of rendezvous. I'm more than happy to purchase us the loveliest inn room coin can buy.
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[Even behind closed doors, she'd argue, where their activities are far less proper. Although there's something about the way he says it that isn't quite sincere. Perhaps the playful twinkle in his eye.
Which only gets her smiling wider as she places a hand on his chest.]
As appealing as being carried off in your arms may be, I'd prefer to avoid property damage. There's something to be said for having patience and waiting until we're done cooking to engage in anything.
[At her own insinuation and his outright suggestion, Alice feels most of her blood rush to her face and the rest of it go to... other places as her mind wanders the rest of the way. She clears her throat and drops her gaze, not quite losing her nerve but definitely pressing up against what she's able to discuss casually.]
I am curious what else has changed, where I can't see. Under your clothes.
[She dares a peek upward with a shy, hopeful smile.]
There's no need for us to run to an inn, though. We can save the rendezvous for... for another time.
[Like maybe the full moons. But she doesn't quite have the nerve to say that out loud.]
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His hand covers hers against his chest, over his heart. The contrast of blue on pale white is striking, only emphasizing his inhumanness now. And yet... yes. His heart still feels calm.
A little calm. It kickstarts a bit, certainly, when she so expertly teases him. His blue eyes light up, perhaps even a glow coming to his horns, if such a thing were possible.]
I -- I can possibly confirm there were, ah, some changes -- [Right. Another time. Calm yourself, Jask.] Yes. [He licks his lips, squeezing her hand.] Whenever you wish.
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Hard not to wonder if that, and this, are somehow fated.
Her brows furrow slightly at Jaskier's response, and Alice realizes she may have been misunderstood.]
I only mean to wait on the inn. I'd... very much like to sneak off somewhere with you right now. [Even if it seems impossible, she feels her face flush further.] If that's all right with you.
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A smile spreads wide across his face, his eyes glowing. Oh. Normally Jaskier would say it's, of course, coming down to his excellent seduction skills, but Alice has thrown him for a loop more than once.
And he is very quickly learning this yearning is all her own, and none from his encouragement.
He replaces his hand onto her cheek to feel the warmth of it. Somehow, it's even more noticeable now, that warmth, as he's grown a bit colder than himself. One must imagine a more intimate moment would be that much more incredible.
Luckily, she does not seem to shy away from his new hue.] There is not a single thing I would love more. [He stands carefully, his tail moving excitedly, offering a hand to help her up, too.] I believe my room is still very private.
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Her smile only grows as she lets him help her to her feet. She stands up on her toes for a moment, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. It's a promise, to be fulfilled behind closed doors.]
I think your room will be perfect.